Maybe that's why he can't
I wonder Kojak whether you recall an old Rugby song, the last line of which was: "'Cos that was the name of the ink, Quink!" A good mix of ouzo, Mythos and quink might just produce the desired tone of blue blood
At least try it
P.S. Don't ask me to record the rest of the song, or I might get prosecuted by the pornographic polizei